Brits Outraged By Spanish Theme Park

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Brits Outraged By Spanish Theme Park.  A new theme park in Spain has been described as insulting, offensive, disgraceful, and a waste of money.

Brits Outraged By Spanish Theme Park

Brits Outraged By Spanish Theme Park

British residents and holidaymakers are calling on the Costa Del Sol County Council to shut down a new theme park which has opened on reclaimed industrial land at Churriana, near Torremolinos.  The park is not yet complete, but has already been opened to special guests who’ve been able to preview the attraction.

Thomas Alton from the Torremolinos Within Andalucia Tourism Society says “This theme park is a disgrace, it’s not even open yet and it’s upsetting people.  It should be shut down right now, before someone becomes seriously offended by it”.

Brexitland

The new theme park is scheduled to open on the 31st October 2019.

Official Opening In October

Brexitland is a zoned theme park, taking the visitor “on a journey of fun, thrills, and spills” according to publicity material.  The park is due to be completed on the 31st October 2019, though some members of the construction team believe this date won’t be achievable.  However, despite doubts, the project foreman is refusing to ask for an extension to complete the work.

Theme Park Attractions

Attractions at Brexitland will include the new “Build A Bus” activity, where guests will be able to write a completely untrue slogan onto the side of a red London bus, and then spend considerable time trying to pretend they didn’t actually do it.

 

Brexitland Build A Bus

 

The “Take Back Control” zone has been heavily criticised by angry British people who have previewed the park.  Themed to look like an airport arrivals hall, the visitor sits in a customs control both armed with a paintball gun.  When doors at the far end of the hall are opened, actors will begin approaching the booth.  The guest must try to shoot all the actors who don’t look British.  Prizes will be given to the highest scoring guests, with bonus points awarded for shouting “no jobs here for you”, “stop stealing our benefits”, and “I’ve got three GCSEs” during the game.

Brexitland Border Control

Park guests must shoot paintballs at non British people in the arrivals hall.

Other experiences at Brexitland include the Future Transport ride.  Visitors will be able to travel through recreations of derelict cities on a horse and cart, enjoying the sights and smells of the British public transport system as it could be in 2025.

Pick A Prime Minister is an activity where guests are able to pick someone to be Prime Minister of the UK for 3 minutes, at which point they will lose control and another guest can choose a Prime Minister.  None of the choices of Prime Minister will actually get to do anything useful though, something which adds to the Brexitland experience according to the ride designer.

Brexitland Promised Land

The “Promised Land” zone has not yet been located.

The Promised Land

Throughout the theme park there are signs pointing towards “The Promised Land”.  There are Posters describing streets paved with gold, all the food and drink you could ever dream of, luxury sports cars to drive, mansions to explore, and blue eyed blonde haired boys skipping through the Utopian zone.  However, all the signs lead back to the start of the theme park, and no one has actually been able to reach The Promised Land yet.

Nigel Farage Featured Attraction

The Nigel Farage Speech Ride is set to be one of the park’s most popular attractions.  Guests will be strapped into safety chairs, and then subjected to long blasts of hot air whilst listening to clips of Nigel Farage shouting about foreigners.

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NIgel Farage Angry

The ride themed on popular British politician Nigel Farage is expected to be a hit.

Restaurant Criticisms

Brexitland has several restaurants and food outlets, which have already drawn complaints.  One customer said “I was talked into choosing some food I didn’t really want, forced to hand over way more money that it should have cost, and then told I couldn’t change my mind when I realised I’d been duped”.

Brexitland Gift Shop

Only gifts “Made In Britain” are sold here.

Made In Britain

The Brexitland Gift Shop has also been slammed by park visitors.  The shop prides itself on selling only gifts which are “Made In Britain”, but continuing the post Brexit theme.  On sale are three potatoes and a lump of coal (which has been subsidised by the park owners).

Defending Brexitland

The theme park’s Spanish owners are defending their new venture, with CEO Alberto Mentiras saying “Brexitland is a wonderful opportunity for Europeans to experience the journey towards Brexit, and what the UK will be like after Brexit.  Because no one from Europe will be able to get into the UK after Brexit, this is a great way to see what it will be like”.

Brexitland Fun House

Brexitland has been carefully designed to create the ambience of post Brexit Britain.

Outraged Expats

Expats are furious about the park, and say that the operators will be making money out of gullible people who don’t realise what they are paying for.  Anne Fernandez runs a non political Facebook group, where members express their outrage over important things like the number of cup holders in hire cars.  Anne says “This theme park is outrageous, my members are outraged, I’m outraged, the outrage is almost limitless on this one.  Shut it down!”.

Ian Lightwater is originally from Birmingham and now lives in Marbella.  He told Costa Del Sol Update “Actually I’m not from Birmingham, I’m from Edgbaston. I don’t like this theme park, I won’t be taking my family.  I don’t really know anything about it to be honest, but I’ve formed my opinion from things I’ve read and been told by other people who probably don’t know much about it either”.  Mr. Lightwater’s comment was originally written in capital letters.

Brexitland Future Transport

The Future Transport ride will take visitors through derelict streets on a horse and cart.

Overwhelming Support

A recent poll by Torremolinos County Council found that 52% of the local population support the new theme park, which is generating jobs and revenue for the area.  The other 48% are being ignored as it’s been suggested that they can’t read.

Do you think this theme park should be shut down? Leave your comment below!

Written by Pat McGroin, Costa Del Sol Update.

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17 comments

  1. I work as a Stevan Seagal lookalike, I earn a LOT of money, mainly at charity events and new supermarket openings. I too am outraged by this theme park, not due to its content but because I was not asked to open it.

    • Considering the theme, I think a British lookalike will open it. Thanks for reading! Please subscribe to our updates and like our Facebook page!

  2. Seems to be a pretty accurate view of post brexit Britain, as a result of blatant deception by “The Liars Three” ( Farrage, Gove and Bonkers Boris).
    I would suggest the name “Futurescope UK” or “Boris’s Ballsup”, “Goves Gaff” or perhaps “The Farrage F~~~k up” (Sorry for that but I detest Blatant LIARS)

  3. As a member of the Brexit party, I’m outraged by this pathetic article, and shall be writing a stiff letter to the relevant authorities. Everyone knows that post-Brexit Britain will be absolutely marvellous, with jealous foreigners gnawing their knuckles in envy.

  4. Yes, Andrew and then the good fairy will wave her magic wand. All immigrants will return to their birth country’s (Oh good, Boris goes back to the US) and the bone idle and unemployable will replace them in the workplace. The national health service will receive limitless funds, Our politicians will become principled and put public interest before personal gain. Blah—-Blah—-Blah.
    Find yourself a darkened room Andrew and please “GET REAL LAD”!!!
    We are being led by unprincipled, self centred zealots to a very bleak and uncertain future.

  5. What, no first aide post run by the NHS ?. Clearly lacking in security, is there no police ? No high speed train either.

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