Expat Haven Declares Independence From Spain

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Expat Haven Declares Independence From Spain.  A small expat community on the the Costa Del Sol is planning to breakaway from Spain and form a new country.

Expat Haven Declares Independence From Spain

Expat Haven Declares Independence From Spain

Inspired by Great Britain’s break up with the European Union, and Catalonia’s statement of intent to break away from Spain, a small expat community on the Costa Del Sol have announced that they are also seeking independence from Spanish government.

Calahonda is a small area between Marbella and Malaga, which is home to a community of expats and some Spanish inhabitants.  The area boasts it’s own shopping centre, two supermarkets, housing developments, and a big road that goes through it.

Calahonda Costa Del Sol

Calahonda is located between Marbella and Malaga

A Unanimous Decision

Members of the Calahonda Residents Association People were unanimous in their decision to go it alone.  Their spokesperson Errol Feral, originally from Birmingham, told Costa Del Sol Update “Actually I’m not from Birmingham, I’m from Acocks Green.  This place was nothing before we arrived, we made it what it is, and now it’s time to take back control”.

“The Spanish government don’t do anything for us that we couldn’t do for ourselves”  Mr. Feral added.  “We have our own healthcare system because Stanley Webb would have been a doctor if he hadn’t only been a nurse.  We have our own armed forces, Billy Brutal works the door on the massage parlour and can take care of any business like that.  We will create our own currency.  We don’t need education as everyone here is over 60”.

Calahonda Strip

The Calahonda Strip, not to be confused with the Las Vegas strip.

The Calahonda Accord

The breakaway group have published their aims and demands, which is being known as the Calahonda Accord.  In it, they describe how their nationality should become known as Caladians, they will adopt their own flag which will be an amalgamation of the Union Flag and the Benson And Hedges logo, and their new currency will be the same as the one which Great Britain had before decimalisation.

A New Currency

The new currency for Calahonda will be the same as it was in Britain before decimalisation in the 1970s.  Clive Thrive runs the bookmakers behind the wheelie bins on the back of the urbanisation on Saturday afternoons.  He  says “It makes sense to do this, because most of the people who live here still have all those old coins in jars on their mahagony sideboards”.

Exhange rates have not yet been determined, as the country doesn’t legally exist and no other world power recognises it.

Bored man

Enrique Fernandez is very important.

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Government Response

Enrique Fernandez works for the Spanish Government.  He is the Minister In Charge Of Sorting Post In The 2nd Sub Level Basement Sorting Room in the main government building in Madrid.  He says “We did get a letter, I think it was sent a few years ago.  We’re not sure, you know what the post is like here.”

Minister For The Interior Design Linde El Barkero says “We haven’t really heard of this place.  We might worry about about losing out on money from taxes if they left, but we looked at the books and no one there pays tax anyway.”

Calahonda Border Control

Construction of the new border control points began last week.

Border Control

The new country of Calahonda will establish border controls at the main entry points on the A7, which is to be renamed “London Road” because every decent place in England has a London Road.  Nigel Barrage is a Calahonda Unified National Trading spokesperson and says “Taking back control of our borders is the main issue.  We need to stop foreigners getting in, and stop our money getting out.  We could put millions into the health service, if we had one.”

Expats Protest March

Expats are preparing for a protest march at the weekend.

March For Independence

Citizens of the country elect are staging a protest march this weekend to leave the Spanish government no choice but to recognise their independence.  Barry McCokiner says “We’ll probably start the march in front of the pub at the shopping centre after the football, and march through the shopping centre to the chip shop.  That’s probably far enough.  I think there will be literally tens of people out for this one”.

Will you be supporting Calahonda’s bid for independence? Have your say in the comments box below!

Written by Oliver Cromwell, Costa Del Sol Update.  09.10.2017

Click here for more completely genuine Costa Del Sol news stories.

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1 comment

  1. Just give back the Cala part to Spain. To assure public access to the beach and unilimted access to tap water on the bars terraces there and plenty of no space for double parking and claxoning. Because for what remains then, I know a very interesting Japanese sponsor and investor! Forget deals with the Russians or the Sheikh of Qatar!

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