Brexitland Goes Bust. Unpopular Spanish theme park finally closes its doors after a disastrous season with low visitor numbers and poor reviews.
Brexitland Goes Bust
A controversial theme park in Spain has finally closed it’s doors for good. Bosses are blaming poor attendance, dreadful reviews, and maintream media for the park’s demise. Brexitland opened on reclaimed wasteland near Churriana on the Costa Del Sol in 2019. The park was immediately mired in controversy as Brits labelled it “offensive and insensitive”.
Park bosses have admitted the project was too ambitious. Carlos Desastre from Tourism Within Andalucia Today said “We thought Brexitland would be a huge success, but it’s flopped. Before we opened, we held a referendum – a massive majority of people here said they wanted the park. 51% of those polled were in favour of it.”
Bad Reviews For Brexitland
Disappointed visitors to the park left bad reviews online and encouraged others to boycott the attraction. Terry Bull from Birmingham visited with his family and told us “Actually I’m not from Birmingham, I’m from Sutton Coldfield. The park was terrible, it was full of foreigners. Nothing like the real Brexit Britain. A Spanish family were laughing at recreation of a queue of lorries in Dover, which is clearly not actually anything to do with Brexit, really spoiled the day for us”.
Some British expats here in Spain are outraged that the park was able to open in the first place. Anne Fernandez runs a Facebook group where angry expats can express their outrage over important issues like the pronunciation of nice in relation to a nice biscuit – some say it’s pronounced nice, whilst others say it’s pronounced nice. Anne says “I’m outraged just thinking about the time and money which has been wasted on this park. Just because 51% of the 3 people who were asked wanted it built, does not mean it should have been built. I did visit once and whilst I enjoyed my beef dripping sandwich in the cafe, the whole experience was disappoiting”.
The Brexit Bus
Brexitland was a theme park with multiple zoned areas, offering Europeans the chance to experience Brexit in all it’s glory without actually having to leave the EU. The park’s key attractions included the “Build A Bus” activity, where guests were able to write a completely untrue slogan onto the side of a red London bus, and then spend considerable time trying to pretend they didn’t actually do it.
Taking Back Control
The “Take Back Control” zone was possibly the most controversial section of the park, and was heavily criticised by angry British people who visited. Themed to look like an airport arrivals hall, the visitor got to sit in a customs control booth, armed with a paintball gun. When doors at the far end of the hall opened, actors began approaching the booth. The park guests had to try and shoot all of the actors who didn’t look British. Prizes were handed out to the highest scoring guests, and bonus points were awarded for shouting “no jobs here for you”, “stop stealing our benefits”, and “I’ve got three GCSEs” during the game.
The Nigel Farage Experience was not as popular as had been hoped.
The Nigel Farage Experience
The Nigel Farage Experience was one of the park’s least popular attractions. Guests were strapped into safety chairs, and then subjected to long blasts of hot air whilst listening to clips of Nigel Farage shouting about foreigners. It wasn’t successful.
The restaurants at the park fell way below the high standards expected by visitors. One cafe customer said “I was talked into choosing some food I didn’t really want, forced to hand over way more money that it should have cost, and then told I couldn’t change my mind when I realised I’d been duped. They said this was the Brexit experience, but surely no one would have voted for that?”.
The Brexitland Gift Shop was also slammed by park visitors. The shop prided itself on selling only gifts which were “Made In Britain”, continuing the post Brexit theme. On sale were three potatoes and a lump of coal
The Promised Land
One of the most disappointing attractions was “The Promised Land”. Throughout the theme park were are signs pointing towards “The Promised Land”. There were posters describing streets paved with gold, food and drink in plentiful supply, luxury sports cars to drive, mansions to explore, and blue eyed blonde haired boys skipping through a utopian landscape. However, all the signs lead back to the start of the theme park, and no one was ever actually able to reach The Promised Land.
The site is now being redeveloped into a shopping centre, because Spain really needs another one of those.
Did you visit Brexitland before it closed down? Leave your comment below!
Written by Sheila Blige, Costa Del Sol Update.