Upmarket Torremolinos Bar Bans Glasgow Accents


Upmarket Torremolinos Bar Bans Glasgow Accents. Owner says it lowers the tone and frightens customers

Upmarket Torremolinos Bar Bans Glasgow Accents

Upmarket Torremolinos Bar Bans Glasgow Accents

Scottish expats are in uproar today after a popular Torremolinos bar banned the Glasgow accent.  The Saggy Haggis, a traditional Scottish themed bar, is owned by Hamish Fergusen from Plymouth.  He told Costa Del Sol Update that the move has already proved popular with customers.  He said “There’s nothing worse than having a quiet drink and then having your ears assaulted by a Glaswegian accent.  It ruins it for everyone.  From today, I won’t tolerate it in my bar.  This is an upmarket bar with classy customers”.

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Hamish Fergusen (pictured) says his bar is an upmarket establishment for classy people

Hamish says “When people hear an accent from Glasgow they instantly think of drug dealers, armed robbers, and people who don’t use deodorant.  This bar is an upmarket establishment and we want upmarket customers”.

Steven Stool who is from Birmingham said “I’m not from Birmingham actually, I’m from Walsall.  I’ve been in the bar all day and I’ve heard Scottish accents.  How are you supposed to know if they are from Glasgow though? They all sound the same.  I don’t get what’s going on really.”

Saggy Haggis Torremolinos

Inside a Scottish Bar, which might look a bit like the one in Torremolinos

Horace Wallace is chairman of the Scottish Highlanders In Torremolinos.  He says it’s discrimination and it has to stop.  “This bar will be out of business in no time if they carry on like this.  It’s wrong to discriminate against people from Glasgow.  Perhaps this madness will end after Brexit.  We don’t need unelected bar owners making up rules that we didn’t vote for”.


Customer Gary McTarry says “This guy is ruining our bar, he’ only owned it about a week and it’s gone downhill.  I don’t think he’s actually Scottish, even if his name is Hamish.  I asked for a double scotch yesterday and he offered me a strawberry dackerwakery or something.  That’s bang out of order.”

Gary McTarry

Gary wasn’t impressed with the strawberry based cocktails on offer

Bar Owner Hits Back

Bar owner Hamish Fergusen is hitting back at critics though.  He says “I have been to Scotland, I know what I’m talking about.  We went on a school trip in 1978.  To Glasgow.  Someone stole my lunch money.  But I’m not saying people from Glasgow can’t come in the bar, just people with Glasgow accents.  If you have one, you can come in but don’t talk.  Write things down.  It’s not like anyone can understand you anyway”.

Have you been affected by the Glaswegian accent ban? Leave your thoughts in the comment box below!

Written by James Krankie, Costa Del Sol Update

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  1. It is not easy to find an elegant, upmarket pub with such a select clientele, we must visit this one, we need some glamour extra 😀

  2. Tried to say hello to a Glaswegian and was greeted with their traditional hello,, The splint and plaster will be taken off next week s

  3. Hamish do you have any friends I have a lot of friends of all nationality but I would be ashamed to know an English bigot like you let me know when your bar closes down and I’ll have a party

  4. Well then, David Tennant, James McAvoy, Peter Capaldi, Joe McFadden, Armando Ianucci, Gerard Butler, Ken Bruce, Susan Calman, Billy Boyd, Sharleen Spiteri, Carol Smillie, Bill Paterson, John Gordon Sinclair, Menzies Campbell, Kevin Bridges – where on earth will you drink now?

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