Brexiteers To Be Booted Out Of Spain

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Brexiteers To Be Booted Out Of Spain.  Uproar as local government begins deportation process for British residents on the Costa Del Sol who voted leave in the Brexit referendum.

Brexiteers To Be Booted Out Of Spain

Brexiteers To Be Booted Out Of Spain

British expats on the Costa Del Sol are facing the prospect of homelessness and deportation as local  councils are given sweeping new powers to remove people from the area who voted against Britain remaining in the EU.

Facebook Spies

The government has been monitoring expats on social media

Trial By Social Media

Since the referendum in 2016, a team of Spanish social media experts have been analysing posts on Facebook and Twitter.  They have developed an algorithm that can identify people who probably voted for the UK to leave the EU.

Pedro Permanecer heads up the Andalucian National Union Society who have been conducting the research.  He says there are several things that the highly advanced algorithm is able to detect.  “The first big clue to spotting a leaver on social media are posts written entirely in capital letters”. 

There are other subtle clues which the algorithm is able to detect, says Sr. Permanecer.  “Posts containing phrases like “they need us more than we need them”and “our grandparents died for  our freedom to leave the EU” are also good indicators of the way someone would have voted”.

Brits Sport Event

These Brits spotted at an outdoor bowls tournament in Riviera Del Sol are suspected of being “leave” voters.

Human Rights Violations

Human rights activists have expressed concern about the legality of deporting people without any actual evidence of how they voted.  Carlos Hecho is with the Department for Finding Vague And Probably Illegal Reasons To Deport People.  He told Costa Del Sol Update “When it comes to something like Brexit, people didn’t need facts to vote against the EU, so we don’t need facts to get these people out of our country.  That’s a fact”.  

Brexitland

Brexitland is a new theme park which has caused outraged amongst Brits.

Expat Patriots

Expat kitchen porter Matt Brush is originally from Birmingham and now lives in Fuengirola.  He says “Actually I’m not from Birmingham, I’m from Lichfield.  Just because I live in Spain, doesn’t mean I’m not patriotic.  Facts can’t be proved, everyone knows this, so when they say it’s a fact that the UK will suffer after Brexit we know it’s not true.  I love Britain and I’m glad they’re leaving the EU.  I hope I don’t have to go and live there though, my TV license expired”.

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Brexit Leave Voter

Social media users found posting images like this will be suspected of voting “leave”.

Bank Accounts Raided

The government have already started to take money out of suspected “leave” voter’s bank accounts.  Carlos Ladron from Estepona County Council`s Bank Account Raiding Department says “we are taking €500 directly out of the bank accounts of the Brexiteers, this is to cover their relocation costs.  We’re not ripping anyone off.  The money will buy suitcases, airport transfers, and Ryanair flights to some obscure airport in the UK”.  

Outraged Expat Remainers

Anne Fernandez runs a Facebook group where expats can express their outrage over important matters including the tax exemption of parma violet sweets.  She says “To be honest I’m outraged.  My members are outraged.  We’re outraged because this has taken so long.  Why would anybody living in Spain vote for the UK to leave the EU?  It’s beyond comprehension.  The sooner they are gone, the better.  However, we are an impartial and unbiased group.  It’s very important you print that”.  

Boris Johnson Zipwire

Our talented and under funded arts department couldn’t find a suitable picture for this text, so here is a chance to marvel at the dignity and composure demonstrated by this month’s British Prime Minister.

Deportations

Deportations are due to begin on the 1st of October.  DJ Barry Jones from the Ebola Bar in Fuengirola thinks that this is a good date for the process to begin.  “For sure boyo, the season is over and no one is making money so we might as well get rid of them.  I’m just lucky that this doesn’t affect me, because I’m Welsh. I have some British friends though, I hope they don’t all get sent back. Hands in the air. Party Party”.

Are you worried about leavers living in Spain? Leave your comment below!

Written by Gloria Stits, Costa Del Sol Update.

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Reporter

62 comments

  1. And after kicking these HORRIBLE PEOPLE what will happen to the economy of that area. Their homes,the jobs that support the local area Under what law are you kicking them out. EU law or Spanish law. Lol

  2. If a mother voted to leave and the father voted remain are you going to split the family up if they have kids. Total. Poo

    • Yes, the families will be split up and the children put to work as chimney sweeps. Thanks for reading! Please subscribe to our updates and like our Facebook page!

  3. Gibraltar will need a lot of cleaning and waiting staff, as the Spanish won’t be able to cross the border… dump all the Brexshiteers on the Rock.

  4. Any British National living in an EU Country yet voted to leave the EU should be shipped back to the UK, regardless of fame or fortune owning their property in the EU Country.

  5. Love the name ANUS for the Andalusian National Union Society and the Ebola Bar in Fuengirola. Best is the writer of the article – Gloriastits😂😂😂

    • Gloria says thanks for being her number one fan. Her sister Norma is also a writer for us. Thanks for reading! Please subscribe to our updates and like our Facebook page!

  6. Complete bullsh*tstory and scary the amount of idiots that believe it. The sort of people who believed their bent bananas and sausages were at threat from the EU. Attempts at satire can be dangerous when the audience are the most stupidest of the stupid. The world is buggered.

    • The bible has been banned in some parts of Britain, please come up with a more appropriate suggestion in your next comment. Thanks for reading! Please subscribe to our updates and like our Facebook page!

  7. Yeah, sounds like a daft story, but if it were I would say good riddance to bad rubbish. These are the fools who help strip people of their beloved European citizenship for an outdated fantasy of Empire v2.0. UK has shown that 50% of its population have low standands of education, and zero understanding of European history.

  8. THOROUGHLY agree with Max! Also Fuengirola looking for donations!???! Lets hope not one Brexiteer gives a cent!!
    ReMOANERS that’s EXACTLY what you all are. Really hope you’re not claiming ANY benefits whilst living over there,but still squeeling for your pensions & heating allowance from the UK

  9. Alot of bitter nasty people on here, respect democracy and ps this story is a wind up haha and they say the leavers were the thick ones

    • Oh Juan, with a name like that you could be one of our journalists! Thanks for reading! Please subscribe to our updates and like our Facebook page!

  10. This is serious folks. I merely “Liked” a post of Facebook pertaining to Brexit, then on my drive back from Eroski my car was suddenly lifted off the road by a twin rotor helicopter dangling a huge electromagnet. Five hours later I was unceremoniously dumped In Hackney Marshes.

    • Helicopter? You did well! Obviously getting special treatment. Thanks for reading! Please subscribe to our updates and like our Facebook page!

    • Outrageous comment Philip, our award seeking team of journalists take their work very seriously. Thanks for reading! Please subscribe to our updates and like our Facebook page!

  11. Reporter just to get facts right.the bible as not been banned anywhere in the UK.and if you think that only the Spaniards has the right to kick Britain’s out your sadly mistaken. Oh and by the way carry on with your expulsions just watch when spain has no tourist I can assure you your poxy government will be begging for us brits to come back .good luck

    • Max, your facts are wrong. The bible has been banned in many parts of the UK. I know that this is a fact, because someone shared it on a facebook post. You seem to be under the impression that we are carrying out the expulsions from Spain, this is not true. We are simply an award deserving news agency at the cutting edge of current affairs.

  12. Boris is awaiting their support. He has appointed an Anglo Spanish director of operations Sr Tito Juanca to oversee the collection of back taxes and NI contributions process while his English wife “Fanny” organises the accommodation on the abandoned opencast mine at Ffos-y-Fran in Merthyr Tydfil.
    As total losers, Boris and the Juanca’s will be great comfort to each other.

  13. Show me were the bible is banned .your obviously listening to people who are not Christians and are from the religion off peace.work it out.lies lies lies.

    • Max, I think you are very misguided. What has the bible got to do with Christians, or indeed any religion at all? You’re starting to make yourself look a little silly. After all, I am an award deserving journalist, educated with at Barnsley Polytechnic. You must be a remain voter.

  14. Check out Aberystwyth Uni. Max.

    Published May 18th 2015

    Debate on religious diversity has come to a head in one British university where the students have decided to throw the Bible out of their dorms. Students at Aberystwyth University feel the inclusion of the Holy book in bedrooms is inappropriate in a multicultural environment.

    (Sorry mate)

  15. Max, we will get back our bendy bananas and crooked cucumbers and our super powerful hoovers and our fish and chips wrapped in newspaper again (remember when the fish and chips used to be wrapped in newspaper? Yummy!) No matter what! Leave means leave! We will take back control of our bananas and cucumbers and vacuum cleaners! God save the Queen! Rule Britannia! Yaddiyaddiyadda!!!

  16. What you have just publish is absolute nonsense and rubbish. Spain is doing no such thing. Many Spaniards would like out of the European Union because of all the taxes and bureaucracy. Cost of living went up 4 times or more in Spain since entering the EU. If the British people voted for Brexit then what’s the problem? The whiny lefties can’t stand it if they don’t win. Spain is not throwing anyone out. Article is RUBBISH.

    • You are mistaken Maggie. Perhaps if you wrote your post in BIG LETTERS it would be more true? Taxes under the European Union are 3 times smaller than they were before, and the cost of living in Spain is decreasing every year. Where do you get the idea that many Spaniards want out of the EU? In a recent poll, 50.01% wanted to remain in the EU. That’s an enormous majority, certainly by British standards. Come back to us when you are prepared to take our award deserving journalism more seriously. Uncouth Brexiteer.

    • Unfortunately ANUS is full at the moment and not taking new members. Thanks for reading! Please subscribe to our updates and like our Facebook page!

  17. OMG!!

    And I thought the “Tito” and “Fanny” Juancas had their hands full, handling the deported Brexiteers.
    But, with ANUS full and other members trying to enter must be a total pain in the A–.,

  18. Maggie, come to Spain and enjoy some sangria and tapas at a reasonable price. Cheaper than having a pint of ale and pie and mash in your local pub! Also cleaner toilets here!

  19. Also Maggie, there is not a single political party in Spain campaigning to get the country out of the EU. Not a single one, That seems to be the only issue that all agree upon. Also, you have never seen a single Spaniard complaining about the EU, even when they have to put up with the stupid behaviour of the English tourists in Magaluf and Benidorm every year. They prefer the German and Dutch tourists though, because they don’t behave like idiots, they spend more money, and they are better looking than the Brits.

  20. I used to work with a lady whose surname was Stitz. Never failed to raise a snigger with “Have you seen Sarah Stitz this morning?”

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