Police Bust Brexiteer Kidnapping Attempt

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Police Bust Brexiteer Kidnapping Attempt.  A number of Brexiteers have been arrested in Marbella in connection with an attempted kidnapping.

Police Bust Brexiteer Kidnapping Attempt

Police Bust Brexiteer Kidnapping Attempt

A number of Brexit supporting Brits have been arrested in Marbella over a failed kidnapping attempt.  The men were caught trying to enter a luxury villa through the sewage network, where it is thought they were trying to kidnap the wife of an airline pilot.

Police believe that the men were hoping to hold the pilot’s wife until their demands for Brexit to happen on the 31st October were met.  An undercover operation has discovered several British groups operating in Marbella with the aim of forcing Brexit to happen.

Palace

The modest villa owned by the pilot and his wife.

Confused Police

Police spokesman Silvio Secuestrar said “This is all very confusing.  These people live here, but they think they can take outrageous action to make Brexit happen.  Why would they want that? Clearly we are not dealing with the brightest and best”.

Brexit Means Brexit

Costa Del Sol Update managed to contact representatives of the men who have been arrested.  Stan Lorretta from the Marbella People’s Front told his lawyer “Actually I’m not from the Marbella People’s Front, I’m with the Popular People’s Front Of Marbella.  We’d planned to capture the pilot’s wife and hold her to ransom.  Brexit means Brexit.  It would have worked, if it hadn’t been for those pesky fools from the Marbella Popular People’s Front”.

Brexiteer

Brexiteer kidnap plot mastermind Stan pictured trying to look inconspicuous.

Multiple Brexiteer Splinter Groups

The People’s Front Of Marbella are not the only group who planned to kidnap the pilot’s wife.  Brian Cohen from the Marbella People’s Front said “It was our idea first, we were there first, we were going to strike a blow to the heart of the European oppressors.  Those idiots from the Popular Front Of The Marbella People ruined it for everyone”.

Kidnap Plot

The cunning kidnap plot unravelled when members of the rival pro-Brexit splinter groups encountered each other in the tunnels below the villa and began fighting.  The noise attracted the attention of the Guardia Civil who waited for the men to knock each other out, and then arrested them all.  Investigations have now revealed that at least 7 men were involved in the operation, along with a woman known as Judith.

Marbella Sewer

The Marbella sewer where police found the rival groups fighting.

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More Confusion

Confusion surrounds the attempted kidnapping attempt, as officials try to piece together what happened.  Richard Tracy, a private detective working for the Costa Organisation Criminal Knowledge is originally from Birmingham and now works in Marbella.  He said “Actually I’m not from Birmingham, I’m from Solihull.  This whole case is baffling.  I’ve been trying to piece together what happened”.

“Essentially you have four or five groups or maybe two or three people, who are all working against each other to achieve the same objective” Mr. Tracy explained. “It makes no sense though, to kidnap a pilot’s wife as a way to force Brexit through.  The groups are so disorganised and have no idea what they want or what they are doing.”

Man In Bin

Mr. Tracy didn’t want his face to be shown, we can’t afford photoshop to blur it out, so we photographed him with his head in this bin instead.

Outraged Expats

The renegade Brexiteers have received minimal support from British expats on the Costa Del Sol.  Anne Fernandez runs a Facebook group where outraged Brits can express their outrage about things including Brexit and the correct type of sausage to serve with a full English breakfast.  Anne says “My members and I are outraged to hear of this plot.  These British renegades are an embarrassment, they make us all look bad.  Most Brits here would never dream of leaving their beer and crisps and going to kidnap someone.  That’s not why we came to Spain.”

Men Awaiting Trial

The men who are currently being held at an undisclosed location at 25 Arias de Velasco in Marbella all face trial within the coming years.  Pedro Perizoso from the Police Department Of Arresting Brits Involved In Political Kidnap Plots says “I’m amazed, when I took this job I never thought I’d actually have to do any work.  These people are going to pay for this.”

Do you know anyone involved in the kidnapping plot? Leave your comment below!

Written by Tess Tickell, Costa Del Sol Update.

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4 comments

  1. It is time for Solihull to have an independence referendum from Birmingham – vote for Solihull Home-rule Independence Trust to make sure SHIT happens.

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