Brits Buying Brexit Bunkers

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Brits Buying Brexit Bunkers.  Expats are shelling out up to €1 million for a state of the art Brexit-proof bunker promising no driving license changes, no padron to sign, and no elections to vote in.

Brits Buying Brexit Bunkers

Brits Buying Brexit Bunkers

British expats are reportedly shelling out up to €1 million for a state of the art underground bunker, which promises to protect the occupants from the effects of Brexit. The underground complex has recently been completed at an unnamed location, The Poligono Brexitario in Estepona, and offers 50 luxury underground apartments.

The top secret complex was originally designed to offer protection to the elite of Southern Spain from doomsday events including nuclear war.  It’s thought the bunker can withstand the direct impact of a nuclear detonation.  Julio Derilante from development firm Costa Ona Nuevo says “We suddenly realised that if someone can survive a nuclear war in our bunker, then they can probably survive Brexit too. Now we’re pleased to offer our luxury post apocalyptic lifestyle to expats who need to survive Brexit”.

Brexit Bunker Being Built

Originally built to provide protection from doomsday events like nuclear war, the bunker can now offer refuge from Brexit for wealthy Brits.

Ten Years Underground

The high tech underground complex will feature community areas including a cinema, schooling area, library, and restaurant serving chips with gravy.  Each luxury apartment will include one bedroom, a living room with TV and gaming systems, a kitchen, and a bathroom.   There will also be a “Northern Option” available, which includes a whippet and a flat cap for the occupants.  The complex will use recycled and reclaimed water, along with an independent energy source, which will enable to occupants to survive for ten years before rejoining humanity above ground.

Roger Ladds from the Andalucia Regional Society Expats has invested in an apartment and says that the idea is sound.  “On the day that Brexit happens, we will descend into the bunker complex.  We can live here for the next ten years, without having to worry about changing our driving licenses over or signing onto padrons and things like that.  By the time we emerge, the crisis will be over and Breturn will have happened.  Everything will be as it should be.  For the price of a studio apartment with shared bathroom in Puerto Banus, we can be safe from Brexit”.

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Brexit Bunker Design

Elitist And Unfair

Some expats have reacted with anger to the news of the bunker, claiming it’s elitist and unfair.  Anne Fernandez runs a Facebook group for outraged Brits, she says “Most of my members are outraged by this, I know that I certainly am.  It shouldn’t be the rich who get Brexit protection, we should all be given the chance to live underground for ten years.  This development scheme is elitist and highlights everything that’s wrong with Conservative Britain in Spain.  My chief lieutenant Judy Wilmer is so outraged she hasn’t been seen for two days, and her phone has no signal, almost like she’s underground or something”.  

Economic Impact Of Brexit Bunker

We approached local business owners to find out how the disappearance of 50 wealthy Brits could impact the local economy.  Birmingham born Barry Jones from the popular Ebola Bar in Fuengirola said “Actually boyo I’m not from Birmingham, I’m from Wales.  It won’t affect us in the Ebola Bar at all, because rich people don’t come here.  We do two shots of toilet cleaner for a euro.  Bargain. Hands in the air, party party”.  We also approached Frazzle from The Old Bunion Sports Bar but he was too busy shouting at his staff for serving full measures to both of the customers to give us a comment.  However, several of Frazzle’s staff have enquired about purchasing him a place in the bunker.

Head In Sand

British pensioner Mike is looking forward to being able to bury his head in the sand at home, instead of having to do it at a local beach.

Budget Brexit Option

The project developers have responded to claims that the Brexit Bunker is too expensive by offering an innovative discounted alternative.  The Brexit Box is already being used by some expats to protect themselves against the effects of Brexit, and is now available commercially for just €1000.  Project manager Estaban Estafador says “This is a tried and tested device, now available to everyone.  We will install a wooden box in your home which measures two feet by two feet, and is one foot deep.  Our expert engineers will fill this box with the highest quality sand, which the owner can then place his (or her) head into to avoid the pitfalls of Brexit”.

Will you be forking out for you own Brexit Bunker? Have your say in the comments below.

Written by Willy Tickell, Costa Del Sol Update.

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