Brits Backing Bonkers Edible Passports. The UK is introducing revolutionary new post-Brexit passports which double as emergency ration packs.
Brits Backing Bonkers Edible Passports
The UK is set to introduce new passports which it claims will revolutionise international travel. Not only will the passport allow the bearer entry into foreign countries like Spain, it can be eaten to provide essential nutrients in emergency situations.
Scott Chegg from the department of Passport Recording And Tracking Systems at the home office told us “Before Brexit people were warned about huge queues at passport control for Brits. We brushed this off as Project Fear. Obviously, it was always going to happen, and rather than dealing with the problem we’ve come up with an ingenious alternative. Edible passports”.
Boris Johnson says the new passports are delicious, and recommends the sovereignty flavour.
Winner For The British People
The new edible passports are good news for everyone, according to Brexiteer Mike Oxlong from Birmingham. He said “Actually I’m not from Birmingham, I’m from Solihull. These passports are amazing, a real winner for the British economy and the British people. For a start, they use blue food colouring which is very important. They’re manufactured in Poland, proving that international trade is booming since Brexit”.
Since Brexit there have been reports of long queues for British passport holders when entering countries including Spain and when returning to the UK. Some travellers have spoken of queuing for several days and suffering from malnutrition. Jenny Taylia says “These new passports will save lives. I lost eight stone trying to get through passport control at Gatwick. If I’d had one of these new passports I could have eaten it and been much safer”.
An edible passport could have saved this traveller.
The new edible passports may present problems though. Anne Fernandez (MBE, PhD, HOT, SXY, FIT) runs a Facebook group where Brits in Spain can express their outrage over things like Marathon bars still being called Snickers and Brexit. Anne says “This really is outrageous. Has no one thought what will happen when these passports get eaten? If someone flying from Malaga to the UK eats their passport at the airport here in Spain, then they will no longer have a passport. That means they won’t be able to fly. That means we’ll be stuck with them. This scheme will create a serious refugee problem here”.
Brexit supporters are rubbishing Anne’s claims though. Cliff Walker is proud to live in Torremolinos and also support Brexit. He says “To be honest, this isn’t the Brexit I voted for. It’s better. Edible passports! Anne is wrong, you can still get into Britain without a passport. Every week there are people landing on the beaches who don’t have passports. Yesterday at least seven people arrived in Devon on a dinghy. They UK is being overrun by illegals. That’s why I like being in Spain, less foreigners here”.
Major airlines operating flights to the UK have come out in opposition to the edible passports. Paddy O’Plane from Ruinair says “This could decimate our inflight profit margins. It won’t take long for people to realise that eating their passports and ordering a replacement for £85 is far cheaper than buying a cream cracker from our inflight menu”.
Stew Pidd thinks that this is fake news.
Stew Pidd from Marbella is convinced that anything he doesn’t understand, especially satire, is fake news. He says “It’s all rubbish, you’re being lied to. It’s fake news! There are no queues at passport control because we’ve taken back control! it’s what we voted for. Do your research!”